Loyal Friendship
Who are the best dynamic duos? Batman and robin. Timon and Pumba. Han Solo and Chewbacca. Calvin and Hobbes. Shawn and Gus. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Frodo and Sam. You know what? All of these are better together, aren’t they?
Sometimes the greatest gifts God gives us are other people. That’s exactly what happens with David. He’s already killed the giant Goliath. He’s already been anointed as the next king. But now he’s stepping into years of danger. He’ll hide in caves, run for his life. And right when it looks like he’s all alone in the world, you know what God gives him? A friend—Jonathan.
God intends for us to do life in covenant relationships. (18:1-4)
You won’t survive what God calls you to without the people He provides. Look at verse 1: “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” That’s strong language. A little too uncomfortable for some of us. Guys aren’t supposed to talk like that, if you know what I mean. Man, guys don’t even look each other in the eyes when we talk to each other. We stand shoulder-to-shoulder instead of face-to-face. In a culture of shoulder-to-shoulder buddies, God calls us to be face-to-face, soul-to-soul, like Jonathan looking David in the eye and saying, “Your fight is mine.” God is tying these two hearts together for His purposes. The word “knit” here means woven together so tight it becomes one.[1] God was doing this because He knew what David was about to face. David needed the strength of a friend.
Have you ever seen a huge load in the back of a truck barely tied down? Just one loose rope flapping in the wind? You don’t want to be behind that truck, do you? Because it’s not a matter of if something’s coming loose. It’s when. What makes a rope strong isn’t a single strand. It’s strands used together. David’s future son, Solomon would say in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” I would say, a life of two souls is not easily broken. It’s that way in marriage. It’s that way in partnerships. It’s that way in friendship. Even Jesus sent people out two-by-two when doing evangelism.[2]
Then, in that bond of friendship, Jonathan does something that had to shock everybody. Verse 4 says, “And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.” Those weren’t just clothes and weapons. Those were symbols of Jonathan’s identity, of his royalty, of his inheritance. Jonathan was the crown prince. The rightful heir. Remember, he was the son of King Saul. When Jonathan is giving David those things, he is, in a sense, laying down his claim to the throne and handing it over to David.[3] David needed this encouragement.
Listen, church—God never meant for us to do life by ourselves. He created us for community to strengthen us for His service. David was about to go through years of betrayal and fear. He wasn’t going to make it alone. And neither are we. God intends for us to do life in close relationships because that’s how He carries us through the hard seasons. With that in mind, you know what you should do? This week, I want to challenge you. Text one person: “Hey, how are you doing really?” And risk the face-to-face conversation.
There is a loneliness epidemic plaguing us today.
We’re living through a real loneliness epidemic. The U.S. Surgeon General has called it an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. One report says 1 out of 2 people in America say they’re lonely. For young adults 18 to 24 it’s almost 8 out of 10. Another study said half of American adults were already feeling lonely before the pandemic. A Harvard study put serious loneliness at 21% for adults, and 29% for the 30 to 44 group.[4]
We’re more connected than ever, but we’ve never felt more lonely. You can scroll through hundreds of people every day and still feel like nobody actually sees you. And this isn’t just affecting us psychologically and emotionally. It’s hurting our bodies. Who in here knows the harms of smoking cigarettes? Who in here thinks smoking 15 cigarettes a day would be beneficial for you? “Lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”[5] It raises the risk of heart disease, stroke, anxiety, depression, and early death.
Whatever your reason is for being isolated—introverted, you’ve been hurt, you’re busy—it’s costing you. You’re carrying loads you were never meant to carry alone. So let’s just be honest. This isn’t a personality issue. It’s a spiritual problem. We’re trying to live disconnected when God designed us to be known. This is why David and Jonathan’s story is so important. God knew what was coming for David. So He gave him a friend whose soul was “knit” to his. He didn’t leave him out there by himself.
Start letting people see the real you. When was the last time you let someone in enough to actually know what you’re struggling with? When was the last time you had a friend who didn’t just get together every now and then but actually stepped into your mess with you? God intends for us to do life in close relationships because that’s how He sustains us and strengthens us.
Biblical friendships enter each other’s messes. (19:1–7)
And if chapter 18 shows us what friendship is, chapter 19 shows us what it costs. Because it’s easy to say you love someone when everything’s good. It’s a whole different thing when loving them puts you at risk. Saul’s jealousy has now caused him to want David dead. And Jonathan is caught right in the middle. He’s the king’s son, so where should his loyalty be? His loyalty should be to his father, right? But he also knows David. He knows his character. And he knows what his father is doing is wrong. So Jonathan has a choice. And he chooses to step into the mess of his friendship with David instead of stepping back.
Verse 2 says he told David straight up, “Saul my father seeks to kill you.” He doesn’t beat around the bush. Then he goes to Saul and speaks on David’s behalf. He pleads David’s case even though it puts him at risk. Y’all, that’s dangerous. He’s confronting the king. He’s risking his father’s anger. He could lose everything. His life even, really.
But real friendships don’t stay safe. They move toward the problem. They’re willing to get messy. Jonathan doesn’t say, “David, that’s your problem, figure it out.” Real friendship enters the mess. And David was about to experience a great deal of mess. Eugene Peterson points out something powerful here. He says the entire section of Saul trying to kill David is actually wrapped inside the friendship of David and Jonathan.
“Jonathan’s friendship with David brackets Saul’s repeated attempts, ranging from irrational to rational, “to kill David. The front bracket to the story begins with these words: “[T]he soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. . . . Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul” (1 Sam. 18:1, 3). The bulk of chapters 18 through 20 are then filled with the details of Saul’s six attempts at murdering David: three times he tried to kill him with his javelin; twice he lured him into almost certain death with the Philistines by offering his daughters, first Merab and then Michal, as prizes; and once he sent in a death squad. These six failed attempts precipitate a major campaign to rid the country of David. As Jonathan enables David’s escape, there’s this end bracket: “Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, forasmuch as we have sworn both of us in the name of the LORD, saying, The LORD shall be between me and you, and between my descendants and your descendants, forever’” (1 Sam. 20:42). The friendship bracketed and contained the evil.”[6]
That means while evil was surrounding David, friendship was sustaining him. If Jonathan wasn’t willing to enter the mess, he wouldn’t have been the friend David needed and that God was calling him to be. Think about your own circle right now. Is there someone who needs you to step into their mess? Or maybe you’re the one in the mess and you’ve been too proud to say anything. You’re too afraid to say, “I need help.” Hear me. God designed friendship to be costly because that’s how it reflects His heart. He’s a God who enters our mess. From the very beginning. When Adam and Eve sinned and He called out to Adam, “Where are you.” He knew where Adam was. He's omniscient. He was calling Adam to Himself. He was entering the mess. He’s been drawing us near amidst our mess from the beginning.
Maybe you’ve got a friend right now who’s hurting, and God is nudging you to pick up the phone or show up at their door. Don’t be afraid to pour yourself out on behalf of others.
True loyalty chooses God’s purposes over personal gain. (20:1–42)
In chapter 20, the Saul-David tension has reached a breaking point. David knows Saul wants him dead, but Jonathan is still struggling to believe how far his father has gone. So they make a plan to test Saul’s intentions once and for all. In the middle of that plan the covenant between David and Jonathan becomes plainly evident. David says in verse 8, “deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you.” This isn’t a casual friendship they have. Their friendship is a binding covenant commitment before God. Look at verses 16 and 17: “16 And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord take vengeance on David's enemies.” 17 And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.” Can you say that about another person? If you’re not self-focused and self-centered, you should be able to.
I want you to think about what this means for Jonathan. Jonathan knows the stakes. He knows David is going to be king. That means Jonathan will never sit on the throne. Saul even tells him this. In verses 30-31, it says,
“30 Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother's nakedness? 31 For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.”
If Jonathan follows his own self-interest, he would protect his position. He would get the highest position in the land by birthright. He should distance himself from David and align himself with his dad to secure his future. But he doesn’t do that. Verse 34 says, “And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.”
What does he do? He chooses David. He chooses God’s plan over his own gain. He releases his claim to the throne because loyalty surrenders personal gain for God’s kingdom and glory. And he does so by way of covenant. Eugene Peterson said, “The friendship covenant served God’s purposes in David, but Jonathan got little or no emotional reward. Jonathan never saw David again after helping him escape from Saul.”[7] We see their farewell in verses 41-42, and it’s heartbreaking.
41 And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. 42 Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.
Most relationships today are built on mutual benefit. As long as it works for me, I’m in. But Jonathan doesn’t do that. He doesn’t even see David again. He stays fighting alongside his dad, even while upholding his covenant with David. He is willing to give up his claim to the throne because he loves his friend and he honors God. True loyalty chooses God’s kingdom over personal gain every single time. And that’s seen most clearly in Jesus.
Jesus laid down his life for his friends.
All of this beautiful friendship between David and Jonathan is pointing us to something even greater. It’s pointing us to Jesus. Jesus said it plainly in John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
At the deepest level the loneliness we feel is really about separation from God. When the first sin entered in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve hid from God. It brought alienation and separation from God. But God has been bridging that gap, ultimately until Jesus came. He went to the cross so we would never have to be alone again. And He calls us His friends.[8] He gives us His very life. And then He forms a people who love one another the same way. “They will know that you are my disciples,” He says, “if you have love for one another” in John 13:35. That’s what we’re called to live out.
I want to ask you, have you trusted the Friend who laid down His life for you? You will never find the relationship your heart is longing for until you are first reconciled to Him. Jesus is the friend who never fails and never leaves. He’s the friend who gave everything so you could be brought near. When you know Him first, you then can start becoming the kind of friend others need. Only then can you start choosing God’s kingdom over your own gain and start loving the way He loved you.
Y’all, that’s the invitation today. Come to the Friend who laid down His life. Let Him knit your heart to His first. And then watch Him knit your heart to others in ways you never expected. Don’t walk alone. You weren’t made for it. You were made for covenant love. You were made for the kind of friendship that reflects the heart of Jesus Himself.
[1]https://biblehub.com/hebrew/7194.htm
[3] David G. Firth, 1 & 2 Samuel, ed. David W. Baker and Gordon J. Wenham, vol. 8, Apollos Old Testament Commentary (Nottingham, England; Downers Grove, IL: Apollos; InterVarsity Press, 2009), 208.
[4] https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it; https://www.brownhealth.org/be-well/epidemic-loneliness-and-isolation; https://www.uchealth.com/en/media-room/articles/the-loneliness-epidemic-escaping-post-pandemic-social-isolation; https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10772224
[5] https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
[6] Eugene H. Peterson, Leap Over a Wall: Earthy Spirituality for Everyday Christians (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1997), 52-53.
[7] Peterson, 53.
